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Crying
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Apr. 7th, 2006 @ 10:48 am
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Okay, so last night I was sitting there at the library having a good time when all of the sudden a song comes on... I sit there listening to it and I know that I shouldn't but I can't help thinking how things have changed. This song of course reminded me of someone, and what do I do, I start crying. I guess it's just been long overdue, but I should have tried harder not to let myself get there. I don't know what's been going on, and why things have changed so much. I hate getting to the point where something you thought you had such a great understanding of in the beginning all of the sudden seems incredibly unfamiliar to you. I've never been accepting of the fact that there are just some things that I can't control, and that I'm not going to be able to understand everything. I pride myself on being able to see things from the both sides in multiple situations, I usually know where people are coming from, but with this situation I've been completely unaware, I've let myself be incredibly vulnerable and out of character for my usual self. Of course I know that I'm a very strong person, and that there is so much that I've been blessed with, but I guess I thought that loving someone would be enough, but how can that be enough if that person doesn't even love themselves enough. I know this stuff seems a little cheesy, but its just so difficult for me to think that we can't even be friends, I care about this person a great deal, and unfortunately that's not enough to make any sort of relationship with them work. I know that last night when this song came on all I wanted to do was call them and tell them that I hear a song, acutally many songs, and they are the first person who pops into my head, and right then and there I want to call them. I'm constantly having to tell myself not to pick up the phone the second this person pops into my head, it's one of the most difficult things, something that often times seems so simple to me. I'm waiting for the point in time where I look back on this and can't even remember what this stuff felt like, but for now I'll just have to keep my head and my heart strong...My Mood:  contemplative What Tunes Me On: Blue October... |
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What You Really Think Of Your Friends
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Natalia is your soulmate. |
| You truly love Frank. |
| You consider Amber your true friend. |
| You know that Natalie is always thinking of you. |
| You'll remember Ericka for the rest of your life. |
| You secretly think Jose is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times. |
| You secretly think that Cecilia is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker. |
| You secretly think that David is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that David changes lovers faster than underwear. |
| You secretly think Karen is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Karen has a hidden internet romance. |
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Here it is 4:05 in the morning... about the same time last night that I found myself awake, with no sight of sleep in the near future, although last night it had more to do with the fact that I got to talk to a friend of mine who I haven't spoken to in YEARS!!! Anyway, so I figured that me being so excited was the cause of no sleep last night, and yet I sit here again at 4 in the morning not at all tired... This is so damn frustrating! I'm almost finished with my Financial Accounting class, and I hope to come out with a decent grade, although that makes no difference because they only count hours not GPA when you transfer a class, oh well! I do know one thing I'm really excited about, the fact that a couple of people I haven't spoken to in quite some time have found me on myspace, and hopefully when I go home, I will get to see them again... You know, I always used to dread the idea of running into someone I knew, because when I was in Fort Worth I could go no where without knowing someone, but now I happen to enjoy knowing people, it makes me feel as if I will never really be alone, because no matter what there will always be someone around! I really think that I am just babbling now, in hopes of boring myself so much that I will actually fall asleep, but I seem to be having no such luck... Oh well, enough of this writing... I need to relax and stop thinking so much...My Mood:  restless What Tunes Me On: "Get to Me" -Train |
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FOR STARTERS...
today's date: 6/28/05
time: 7:48, Gilmore Girls is almost over
name: Lauren
age: 21
birthday: 1/24/84
school: St. Marys... almost finished... Yippeee!
BASIC INFO...
eyes: brown
hair: dark brown
height: 5'1
shoe size: 6
who lives with you: Amber and Valerie, but not for long...
when is your bedtime?: 12 at the earliest
HAVE YOU EVER...
flown on a plane: yes, yes I have
ever been so drunk you blacked out: Nope, never
missed school because it was raining: No, I love the rain... hehehe
told a guy that you liked them?: yes I have
put a body part on fire for amusement: no, I'm not a weirdo
had a crush on a friend's girlfriend/boyfriend: well the guy I like now kinda has a GF, and I know her :::head down:::
been hurt emotionally: yes, it's sad
kept a secret from everyone: Who hasn't
wanted to hook up with a friend: Yes
cried during a movie: Ummm, I don't remember, but I'm sure I have
been on stage: yes... Choir girl here... hehehe
cut your hair: yes, I used to freak Jessica out when I would pull out the scissors... hehehe
had a crush on a teacher: Yuck, all my teachers were old
cried over a boy?: Too many times
lied to someone?: Not about anything serious, I hate lying or being lied to... Just tell the truth damnit!
been in a fist fight?: No, I don't fight
been arrested: No... I'm a good girl
FAVORITE...
shampoo: Garnier Fructis
fav colour: Blue, but my bed and my bathroom are pink!
day/night: night time baby
summer/winter: Fall
lace or satin: Satin
fav movie: Hmmmm, I really like Spanglish, but my fav is Return to Me
fav drink: Iced Tea
person to talk to face to face: Amber
person to talk to on the phone: David, Natalie, Gilbert (Oh he is one funny kid... haha)
person to talk to online: Wow, I haven't talked online in FOREVER!
RIGHT NOW YOU ARE...
wearing: T-shirt and white night shorts
eating: Nothing at the moment
drinking: water
listening to: The end of Gilmore Girls
IN THE LAST 24 HOURS, HAVE YOU...
cried: nope... not in a while
worn jeans: yes
met someone new online: nope
done laundry: No, but I definately need to
drove a car: To school... almost done!
talked on the phone: yep, I talked to Amber and Jessica from the agency
DO YOU BELIEVE IN...
yourself: Of course
your friends: Yes, thats why they are my friends
santa claus: I do for Jonathan... and Richard... hehehe
tooth fairy: Yes, once again for Jonathan, and not believing takes something away from me, you know?
destiny/fate: Yes, I believe that some things aren't within our control
angels: yes, I know I have an angel, and that I'm an angel to someone
ghosts: Yes, there's one in Amber's room... hehehe
UFO's: From some of the things Frank has told me, I do...
FRIENDS & LIFE...
do you ever wish you had another name? No, I love my Name... LAUREN CRISTIN
do you have a boyfriend?: No, boyfriends are so overrated... hehehe, I'm so kidding
do you like anyone?: Yes, I'm having mixed emotions about a few people... Boys suck! If only things were simple, but we all know that's not how things work
which one of your friends acts the most like you?: I've been told by a few people that Ceci and I are a lot alike, which is okay by me cause she's one cool chick!
which friend have you known the longest?: Natalia and David, since I was 10
are you close to any family members?: Yes, I grew up with them
who do you go to for stuff?: My parent's, but I hate asking them for things
who do you hang around the most?: Amber and the UTSA boys
worst feeling: Indifference
RANDOM...
Keep a diary?: I used to, but not so much anymore, everyone would read them...
Like to cook?: Yes, I love to cook, but I don't do it often
Fold your underwear?: Yep, you should see my drawer after laundry day, you'd think I were a freak about how neat it all has to be
Talk in your sleep?: No, I just grind my teeth... awful habit, I knocked a bracket off once... hehehe
Set your watch a few minutes ahead?: No, I'm always on time
Bite your fingernails?: Nope, I had to cut my fingernails cause they were getting out of control
Believe in love?: Yes
LAST...
Movie you rented?: I don't rent movies, Amber buys a new one every week, so there's no need... hehehe
Movie you bought?: I don't buy DVD's, and Melissa made fun of me for it... Amber and her Sisters are so harsh... hahaha
Movie you watched? Batman Returns, I went to see it with Melissa and Amber, so I could get out of my extremely HOT apartment
Song you listened to?: "What if it all means something"
Song that was stuck in your head?: "Feels Like Home"
Song you've downloaded?: "What if it all means something"
CD you bought: Ummm, that would have to be Rascal Flatts, and that was back in January, I don't buy CD's that often
CD you listened to?: A CD that Natalie made me years ago... ah the memories
Person you called?: Gilbert, but he didn't answer... what a punk... hehehe
Person that's called you?: Amber, she was playing hookie from work and she wanted to make sure I didn't ruin it for her... hehehe
TV show you've watched?: Gilmore Girls... wow, I dunno how many times I've put that on here
Person you were thinking of?: There were a few... but I miss my Mom, she's in the hospital right now :::so sad:::
DO...
You wish you could live somewhere else?: Well I am moving back to FW in August
Others find you attractive?: Oh boy... yes, I get hit on at least once a day... hehehe
You want more piercings?: Nope, the two in my ears are just fine
You want more tattoos?: Yuck... tattoos are so gross
You drink alot?: Nope, I drink on the weekends, but not a lot
You do drugs?: No, never, never had the desire too, and in HS I was too busy to be that stupid
Do you smoke?: Ewww, smoking is just gross
You like cleaning?: I don't like it, but my place is ALWAYS clean
You like roller coasters?: yes, they are so much fun
You write in cursive or print?: cursive, I have beautiful handwriting... ask my sister... hehehe
NUMBER...
Of times I have been in love?: Oh boy, just once
Of times I have had my heart broken?: Twice
Of hearts I have broken?: No clue, I don't think any
Of girls I have kissed?: None, I'm NOT a freakin Lesbian
Of boys I have kissed?: About 14 or 15
Of people I consider my enemies?: None, I don't have enemies
Of CDs that I own?: No clue
Of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: Maybe once or twice
My Mood:  grateful What Tunes Me On: "What if it all Means Something" |
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I'm in Fort Worth for a couple of weeks and I'm having a great time as I always do when I come home. Last night my sister and I went to see a friend of mine play baseball, then I went home and got ready to go out... Natalia came and got me and I met up with a bunch of my friends there. This guy that I'm interested in (the one I went to see play baseball) went also. We all hung out at the library and we were having a GREAT time, and then who else to walk in but my ex after he told me that he wasn't going out... uh huh. I didn't mind that he was there, but the thing that bothers me is that he says we are friends and yadda, yadda, yadda, but he brushed my arm, said hey, and walked off rather quickly... now what kind of friend does that and when I asked him why he didn't stop and say hi or give me a hug or something, he said "what for." Anyway, despite that I had a great time and that guy is the sweetest guy ever. Later we went to the Poor House and he took me out onto the dance floor (he says he doesn't like to dance, but I do which is why it was so cute). So we danced a few songs then it was last call :( He told me bye and Natalia and I ventered back to my house... how we got here neither of us know :-x Now I sit here with a slight hang over and I have to be at work in a couple of hours... definately not looking forward to it... That is all for now, but last night I couldnt stop smiling :-DMy Mood: content What Tunes Me On: "Hollaback Girl" -Gwen |
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So I'm sitting here in the Library waiting for Amber to come to school, it's 2 o'clock and she doesnt finish with substituting till 3:30... hehehe, I was working on my Biology for a couple of hours but I decided I needed a break cause the heart is frustrating! I was browsing profiles on myspace, I know it's addicting, but I did it anyway... I came upon this survey a friend of mine had in her blog... so here it is...
GIRL TALK
01. Do you stuff your bra? Hahaha... nope!
02. Have you ever stuffed your bra? Never had to.
03. What make-up do you wear daily? I waer make-up on the weekends when we go out, but other than that it's all natural!
04. What are your underwear like right now? Blue with different colored lines all over them
05. How many pairs of shoes do you own? No clue, what kind of girl would I be if I could count my shoes... hehe
06. Come on, tell the truth. Is that really your true hair color? Why yes it is:-)
07. What do you most like about your body? I like my smile, I just cant wait to get these damn braces off
08. And least? I dunno
09. How many fillings do you have? None
10. Do you think you're good looking? I'd be lying if I said no :::head down::: hehehe
11. Do other people often tell you that you're good-looking? Yes, maybe too much sometimes
12. Do you look like any celebrities? No, I look like ME!
13. Do you like a man with muscles or not? Muscles are good, but too much muscle is just sick
14. Tall or short men? I like em tall, but taller than 6'2 is REALLY pushing it
15. Does your dream guy have long or short hair? Short, maybe even none, although I do like Orlando Bloom in Lord of the Rings with all that Long hair... hehehe, I know I'm a dork
16. What's the hair situation 'down there'? NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!! (I have to agree with Crystal on that one)
17. How long is your leg hair? What kind of question is this?! (once again I agree with Crystal)
18. Ever come close to having sex, but didn't? Yea, it sucks with stupid guys, No Definately means No!
19. With who? Nobody's business. (Man Crystal sure does know what I would say... hehe)
20. If so, why didn't you? Once again...nobody's business. (Ditto)
21. Are your eyebrows a different color from your hair? No, now thats a strange question
22. Do you pluck your eyebrows? Yes.
23. When did you last have a hickey, and where? Ummm I don't even remember, but it was on my kneck
24. Are you on birth control? No
25. Can you dance? You bet I can
26. Can you lick your nipple? WHAT?!?!
27. Do you struggle with self-esteem? Nope, not too much
28. Do you or have you ever had an eating disorder? Nope
29. When was your first period? Ummm when I was 10 :(
30. If you unexpectedly got pregnant, what would you do? I would keep the baby, but I know my parents would be disappointed, but they would still love the baby
31. Future daughters/sons names? Camille, Brody, Emile
32. Do your underwear and bras usually match? Nope
THE PAST
01. Any good memories from this year? Maybe 1 too many... hehehe
02. Any bad memories from this year? Yes, but not too bad, everything always gets better
03. Do you regret anything from this year? Thats debatable
04. Do you regret anything you've ever done? Not really
05. Who was your first boyfriend/girlfriend? my first real boyfriend that I actually went places with was Alex Duran :::head down in shame:::
06. Did you ever have braces? Did I, I still DO!
07. What is your best childhood memory? I have lots of really good childhood memories
08. Do you have the same friends you did when you were seven and under? No, they all moved away
09. What color hair did you have as a kid? Same color that I have now
10. What does your name mean? well I looked it up and it says "victory" or "triumph," but who knows that could be a bunch of bull.
Damn, that survey took longer than I thought it would but I'm still here and now it's only 2:20.... arg, my neck hurts... catch you later fools!
May. 5th, 2005 @ 02:03 pm
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| » Filling you in... |
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I've completely been neglecting live journal, I guess I just haven't had the desire to write anything lately, but that definately does not mean that nothing has been going on, let me fill you in...
The weekend of April 15th, my family came down to enjoy the Oyster Bake festivities, my sister and my cousin stayed with me. On friday we went to Luis's 20th birthday party, I had fun as I always do when I get to spend time with my friends, they are the loves of my life... hehehe. Saturday we woke up fairly early and then met my family at Cha Cha's to celebrate my Mom and Dad's 28th wedding anniversary before we went to Oyster Bake. It was great, I love their margaritas! After that we went to Oyster Bake and hung out, watched ALL the crazy ass people there, and I, being the great sister that I am, took Jonathan around to ride the carnival rides... I swear I need to break that little boy of being afraid of everything. We left there around 930 or so and got back to my place around 1030... our plan was to shower and go out, but we were so tired from the day that we ended up going to my cousins hotel and then to my brothers hotel to hang out... Hey, I'm completely satisfied with sitting there and doing nothing! Sunday morning we had breakfast before they all left, then I hopped back into bed and slept for a few hours.
The next week was very exciting... Wednesday night my friends invited us to Buffalo wild wings for some drinks and some good ol' karaoke. There were 99 cent margaritas, how can you go wrong! Thursday night Amber and I went out to Cowboys, I was somewhat skeptical of whether or not we would have a good time, but yeah that all went out the door. Some of her sorority sisters met us up there, then we ran into some of our friends from UTSA, then we ran into some of our Air Force boys... well needless to say we ended up taking off with the Air Force boys and stayed with one of their friends at her apartment... good times! Friday night I found myself hanging out in my living room, when Amber calls at around 11 telling me to get dressed because we are going to Lackland... who am I to argue with having a good time, so we went over there and Josh gave me one of his sweat shirts cause it was actually pretty cold... He let me keep it and now there's a running joke that once you've made out with 4 guys in the Air Force you get a free sweat shirt... Whatever! Saturday Ceci and Karen came into town to visit me and I took them out on the town. First we went to eat at Cha Cha's and I drank some more of those great margaritas, then we went downtown to enjoy Fiesta although it was kind of difficult to enjoy with all the people that were there... way too crowded for my comfort, so we decided to head towards the river walk to check out some of those sites when on our way we run into some guys that happened to be from Fort Worth... they tell us they are going to club Rive so we do what any other girls would do, we join them, I mean come on these guys were cute! We had a blast at the club and I ended up driving the guys back to their hotel instead of them catching a cab, besides we needed someone to walk us those 8 blocks back to my car! We ended up staying the whole night, or shall I say morning with them, cause we were pretty much having a blast... Me especially ;) Then we went back to my place and the girls took off... I love those crazy girlies!
This past weekend was exciting also, but it definately did not top the previous weekend. Friday Amber and I met this guy I had been talking to at a bar called Charlie Brown's, we played pool and drank, and other things occured that I found to be quite hilarious... Saturday I babysat from 6:15 till 11 so when I got back I wasnt really up for going out... oh well. Sunday I went with Amber to Sherlock's to see some guy play, we had a good time, we drank some and played pool, definately brushing up on my pool skills... hehehe, so perhaps this weekend wasnt as eventful as last weekend, but I still had a good time!
Last night I was overly excited, I talked to my best friend on the phone, and this guy that I think I'm starting to like... I hardly ever like a guy, I mean the last person I liked, or should I say loved, was my ex; and before that well, lets just say the time before that was almost 4 years ago... I know that nothing may happen between this guy and myself, but the idea of being able to like someone again, after I've had my heart broken, is great!
Now here I am putting off all this stuff I should be studying for finals... once again, oh well, I think I've typed enough on here for one day... just thought I'd do some updating
May. 4th, 2005 @ 10:04 am
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| » The people I used to know... |
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The other day I was talking to my best friend David and he asked me what happened between my friend Maritza and I that made us not talk anymore, and I really couldn't think of a reason besides the fact that she moved back to Fort Worth after our freshman year. We hung out second semester, but not as much as we did the first semester. I realized that at that time when we stopped talking as much, I was rather depressed. A friendship with someone I loved was ended, and here I was in San Antonio with no one but her. She wasn't really around as much though and I figured since she'd be leaving SA soon that it was time for me to make friends at St. Marys, so I did... David told me, however, that she claims that I hurt her feeling by blowing her off to spend time with a friend of mine, I didn't know this and had I known it at the time I know I would have apologized... I would never intentionally do something to hurt someone else, that's not how I am built. She told him that she wished things between the two of us remained the same, that she regrets not maintaining our friendship, and many times so do I... But I guess what's done is done, and no matter what, if a friendship is meant to come to an end, then there's really nothing you can do about it. I've had so many great friendships with so many people who, to this day I still love with some portion of my heart. If I ever do run into these people, I try to let them know that I still care about them and I'm not the kind of person who shuts anyone out no matter what I may have done to them, or no matter what they may have done to me. I just wish that I could say all these things to these people who have touched me in some way, and I wish that someday they will know that no matter what they are and will always be my friend no matter how much distance comes between us... I'm sorry to all those I may have hurt and I don't hold any grudges against those who have hurt me... I love all of you!
Mar. 31st, 2005 @ 01:42 pm
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| » Neglecting Live journal |
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I recently opened a myspace account and I realized that I have been neglecting live journal. I used to be so much more articulate, than I am now. I was in the library today (the actual library, not the bar) and I was skimming through books that seemed to be of some interest to me. It took me back to all those times when I would go to the library and just read for hours, I haven't done that in a really long time. Now I'm pretty much glued to the computer, granted I could always just look a book up online and have it at my disgression whenever I wanted, but there is something about the smell of hard backed books, and the feel of pages as they run across your fingers when you turn them. That is definately something that can not be replaced, the feel of the keyboard just doesnt do that for me. Anyway, enough with the reminiscing. I was reading an email that a friend sent to me, and it's one of those in which you answer a series of questions and wind up with a score which then compares you to an animated character, and my results were as follows:
You are Sponge Bob Square Pants: You are the classic person that everyone loves. You are the best friend that anyone could ever have and never want to lose. You never cause harm to anyone and they would never not understand your feelings. Life is a journey, it's funny and calm for the most part. Stay away from traitors and jealous people, then you will be stress free... I'm not sure if I completely agree with the results, but I can say one thing, traitors and jealous people definately suck! Well I think that's enough ranting and raving for now, I have Lab that I must go to... definately not looking forward to it... Later!
Mar. 29th, 2005 @ 01:01 pm
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| » Moving Forward |
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For the most part my journals are something that I write out of emotion, and lately I've been really happy and content. I know that I have not much longer to be in school and that pretty soon I'll be moving back to the DFW area, it's a really scary thought. I don't know what it is that I want to do, I thought some about law school, but then I changed my mind. All I know is that I want to work with the government, I want to work with some aspect of Public Affairs, but who knows where I'll end up. Why is it so difficult for me to move forward, could it possibly have anything to do with how I was raised, or is it just laziness? The other day in my Public Opinion class we were discussing the 2008 Presidential election, and how Hillary Clinton is evaluating her positions on issues and how she's determined to maintain a moderate, slightly liberal stance. Then we began discussing how far behind the United States is as far as women leaders. And I must admit that when we were having this discussion I was thinking how I don't know if a woman leader would be the best idea, but then maybe it might be a good thing. Maybe my attitude towards women leaders reflects the attitudes of most Americans, but if you look at other Nations, women leaders are not such a bad idea. Margaret Thatcher in England and long before that there was Glada Meir in Israel. One thing I know for sure is that I don't think that Hillary Clinton would be a candidate that would receive my vote. I guess I'll just have to wait till the next election to see what kind of policy issues that she may have stuck up her sleeve, who knows, maybe I just might change my mind!
Feb. 21st, 2005 @ 02:29 pm
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